"Children are our gold and families are our most valuable cultural resource. Yet we are not trained for the job of familymaking. No course is offered that teaches us how to bring families closer together. Nor are we born with this information. And much of what we learned from our own parents, given our constantly changing world, cannot be reapplied. While my training as a cultural anthropologist has taught me to look for patterns, I wrote this book because I have a passion for parenting. My own search for the ways to become a better parent led to many insights about what makes family life more difficult and what makes it easier. I offer this book as a way of sharing my learning.
A good teacher does much more than lecture. This teacher arranges learning situations to help each student find their own inner voice. Parenting is about teaching, too, and about helping your child find her own inner voice. Too much “parent talk” can actually get in the way. So can excessive “teacher talk.” (Chapters are short for this reason, with most all of them no longer than two pages. Some are even less; only a few are more; and each chapter ends with a “learning nugget” that summarizes what I want to share with you.)
I hope this book helps you learn to teach in a way that helps your child find her inner voice—and helps you hear yours more clearly as well.
Learning to parent is not a simple connect-the-dot activity. You don’t begin at dot A, then move to dot B, and proceed through to dot Z. Nor is there one single, surefire truth about parenting. But one thing is certain—it involves your whole life. Challenges can come in any order, even several at once. An approach may work at some times, but not others. Or it may work with one child and not another. Every child is different, and there just isn’t some neat technique or approach that works for them all. For sure, the familymaking process is eventful, and at times complex and arduous, yet hugely significant and rewarding.
Parenting lasts a whole lifetime. Take it slowly. The challenge is to let each child be heard, even when they all talk at once. Accept things as they are. Trust yourself. Say “yes” to the challenges that come, because “no” prevents you and your child from growing. The goal is to let parenting teach us about life, and life teach us about parenting. Try to be open to the lessons and close to the child. Staying close is the hard part, but you learn to parent by doing it. It’s an all-consuming job that exposes your entire life and the beauty of who you really are. Embrace it!
I encourage you to create vibrant, alive, and rich relationships. Ultimately, the family bond is based on the art of togetherness—connecting and becoming closer, yet still remaining free to grow individually. I believe, dear friend, that the family is the most important "structure" that we have in our world. Like the pyramids of long ago, families can be sturdy, sustaining, and enduring. They can last for always".
- Susan Smith Kuczmarski
Dr. Susan Smith Kuczmarski is an educator who teaches teachers, a cultural anthropologist who studies family culture, a sociologist who views families as small interactive groups, and a parent who has experienced familymaking firsthand. She has done extensive research directly related to how children learn to become members of social groups and how adolescents become leaders. She holds a Doctorate in Education from Columbia University in New York City, where she was named an International Fellow. Over the last twenty years, she has conducted lectures, workshops, and seminars on leadership and familymaking. In addition, she has been interviewed about leadership on radio and television, holds two additional master’s degrees in sociology and education from Columbia University, and has been listed in Who’s Who in the World for the past ten years.
Dr. Kuczmarski has taught at seven universities, worked in three non-profit educational organizations, including the United Nations, and co-founded an innovation consulting firm, Kuczmarski & Associates, in Chicago. She is the co-author of Values-Based Leadership, published by Prentice Hall in l995. She lives in Chicago with her husband, soul mate, and partner in familymaking, Tom. They continue to marvel at and learn from their three sons, John, James, and Thomas.
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