Why do teens argue all the time? Can you help me get through this very troubling and difficult time?
Teens are busy practicing a new way of thinking. (Jean Piaget called it “formal operational thought.”) Between 11 and 16 years of age, teens develop the ability to solve problems without the concrete, action-oriented experiences of a child. Teens are forming theories about everything—and testing them out. They make assumptions, consider hypotheses, and work out the inferences that follow. This abstract thinking is very difficult to master. So, teens argue constantly to practice these abstract thought processes. Most parents feel threatened by their rude and argumentative teen.
Try these helpful survival tips:
1. Know that you aren’t alone in trying to cope with a cantankerous teen.
2. Try to meet with other parents for support and an exchange of ideas whenever you can.
3. Know that this argumentative phase is related to your teen’s struggle to learn abstract thought and logic.
4. Try to nurture, support, and even enjoy this development, rather than feel annoyed or threatened by it. Don’t step in with the answers. Let teen figure things out by using their new way of thinking.
Dr. Susan Smith Kuczmarski has taught at 8 universities, now at Northwestern University and Loyola University in Chicago. She is an award-winning author of 6 books, 3 on families and 3 on leadership, including her newest, Becoming A Happy Family: Pathways to the Family Soul (2015), and her best-selling, The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go, which was released (2019) in Egypt in Arabic. Trained as a cultural anthropologist, she has researched extensively how children learn social skills and teens become leaders. A frequent radio and television guest, she has appeared on "The Today Show" and speaks regularly to parents and educators. Listed in Who's Who in the World for 12 years and an International Fellow of Columbia University, her 35 years of college teaching and research have made her an expert on issues devoted to the contemporary family.
