Why is it so difficult for parents to truly “let go” of their teen?
Because “letting go” means detaching, and parents find this hard and painful to do. For the first fourteen years or so, they have been connecting with their children, and now they must love and let go simultaneously. To love, you will have to somehow hang in there for them. To let go, keep reminding yourself: “This is not about me.” This may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done as a parent.
Your teen is detaching now. This is a natural part of the process of family life. The need to detach is so great that your teen may not even talk to you for long periods of time. He may avoid you altogether. In fact, much of his bizarre behavior can be explained with an eye on this desire to detach. So, parents: Don’t hold on. Don’t try to control. Stop acting as if you know best. Your teen has his own ideas and programs and plans. Get out of the way. Your teen’s life must move forward now. And you need to step back and let go.
Be sure to check out the “Chapter of the Week” on “Tai Chi.”
Dr. Susan Smith Kuczmarski has taught at 8 universities, now at Northwestern University and Loyola University in Chicago. She is an award-winning author of 6 books, 3 on families and 3 on leadership, including her newest, Becoming A Happy Family: Pathways to the Family Soul (2015), and her best-selling, The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go, which was released (2019) in Egypt in Arabic. Trained as a cultural anthropologist, she has researched extensively how children learn social skills and teens become leaders. A frequent radio and television guest, she has appeared on "The Today Show" and speaks regularly to parents and educators. Listed in Who's Who in the World for 12 years and an International Fellow of Columbia University, her 35 years of college teaching and research have made her an expert on issues devoted to the contemporary family.
